I spent most of my time at school reading choose your own adventure books, lusting over an ancient porn mag that Rupert Porter traded me and listening to NWA.  Due to my middle class up bringing in North London I felt an obvious affinity with NWA and particularly liked the sentiment behind their suggestion to  "fuck the police"… until I needed to call them.   It was after my one and only call to the fuzz that I realised it was in fact Public Enemies indictment that "911 is a joke in yo town*" that really struck a chord with me. 

I think there are two main problems with the bacon in the UK.  Firstly, nobody with any intelligence or physical ability wants to join the force in the UK, but why?  Well I blame television.   Growing up, there were no cool role models on TV to entice kids to join the force.  Televisions influence on a young mind is a power to be reckoned with.  In America kids saw how awesome fighting crime could be with shows like Knight Rider, Street Hawk, Manamal and the short lived but brilliant Alien Nation, a dude and alien taking down drug lords, yes please.  Of course everyone is going to want to join up in America.  Growing up in England we had ‘The Bill’ and ‘Miss Marple’ there is something wrong with someone who aspires to spend hours on a stake out with Jane Marple. These people should absolutely not be given a position of authority.

(*Substitute your own emergency number here, it flows well with any three digit combination)


The lack of good boys and girls in blue is academic really because the second problem with the rozzers is the big one and that problem is the management of 5-0 is at a level of ineptness that defies belief.


                                    Have a look at these two groups that require the attendance of the cops.

Now look at these two types of police. 

Which do you think should be sent to which crime?  Yeah I know it’s super simple but lets see who gets sent where.

In what reality does this seem like the correct use of resources?  The police are paid with our taxes and are there to serve and protect us.  A group of peaceful protestors raising awareness to political inequality is not a threat.  In fact if I were in any way concerned with some protestors I would happily tell them to shift myself.  A group of rude boys outside Tesco abusing everyone when I want to buy milk on the other hand needs a serious and violent response, not some fat community support officer politely asking them to move on. 


I am sickened by footage of over tooled riot police kicking and pepper spraying defenceless protestors.  I would, on the other hand, happily tune in to watch riot police smack the shit out of a bunch of hooded cock lords loitering outside Sainsburys.  They could put funny sound effects on, maybe plant some drugs on them and call it ‘you’ve been framed’.


Speaking of drugs, surely it is time for the police to put their hand up to admit the so called war on drugs has been and will continue to be a complete failure, like prohibition during the 20’s.  Tens of millions of pounds a year are spent trying to stop people having a good time.  Police can’t find anyone responsible for multiple stabbings but are all over the news with their latest bust of marijuana and cocaine.  Great so that’s my weekend fucked and I’m still just as likely to get stabbed. 

Drugs are not the problem, does anyone really think a smack addict would be a happy individual without the smack.  Of course not, he would still suffer the same issues with a society that forced him to seek solace in the gear.  How about this simple solution, regulate and tax the drug industry and use the money made and saved, which would run into the Billions, on education, employment and health services.  Plus as a little bonus the police could actually use their time on making the streets safe.