Hippies: Natures cruel joke.  Hippies love nature and dedicate their lives to making the world a better place, it’s just a shame they are totally inept at everything they do.  This is evident in the fact that despite almost continuous protesting and games of hacky sack since the sixties the world has continued to deteriorate to the point of being practically unliveable.

Hippies came to prominence during the Vietnam War when a group of bored students took offence to their nation carpet-bombing woman and children and the occasional North Vietnamese soldier.  While America was used to oppressing its black population this was something new.  America wasn’t as comfortable killing middle class white people, which gave the hippies a real advantage.

History may have been very different if the hippies had pushed this advantage.  Of course history shows that rather than affect change through  a well-organised uprising, the hippies invented flower power and tie-dye and the National Guard beat the fuck out of them.  Meanwhile the American Government (under any guise) continued to steer the world towards oblivion.

The real shame about Hippies is that when you look at them as a collective they have some wonderfully commendable ideals that could actually change the world for the better.  Unfortunately when you get close to one (or as close as the pong will allow) and really examine it you generally find a selfish white middle class prick who lectures you on the ills of capitalism while staying on your couch, eating all your food and eyeing up your girlfriend

The only thing that will get a hippy off your couch is a protest.  In fact protesting is the exclusive domain of the hippy.  Sure students like to get involved but that’s only really to get laid, full time protesting is the raison d’etre of the hippy. 

Ironic then that it’s a hippie’s involvement that will almost always ruin a demonstration.  For a protest to be really effective it needs to have people power behind it and there is nothing more off putting when you are marching for peace than being sandwiched between two beatniks who use a crystal for deodorant and haven’t changed their Hessian fisherman pants since a parent funded trip of self-discovery to Thailand three years earlier.

while simultaneously rolling joints they never share and chastising you for having a job that is paying for all the shit they are consuming.  Fuck I hate hippies!

I joined the march against the American invasion of Iraq way back in 2003 with a real sense of purpose and pride to be part of something important.   I listened as the self-appointed hippy leaders spoke of the injustice of the coalition led attack on Iraq and knew something had to be done, then I got confused as they attempted to strengthen their point by playing the bongos and doing some fire twirling.  I couldn’t see why the government would change their policy at the exhortation of these people.  As it turned out the government didn’t see any reason either and went on to murder over 20,000 civilians in the name of peace.  The hippies moved onto to protest against the decline of the Yangtze River Dolphin.  The Yangtze River Dolphin was declared extinct about a year later.

Fortunately for them,  the outcome of any protest doesn’t really bother the hippy; it’s only the process they care about.  They love to invite you down to a sit in or a rally to impress you with how socially aware they are and progressive in not having a job.  It is of no consequence to a hippy that they have never affected change for any amount of good ever to anything.  The rain forests continue to be destroyed as species continue to become extinct.  The poor are oppressed and marginalised while the rich do whatever they want.  And throughout it all the Hippies keep on spinning, spinning their stupid fire sticks.